Ear Plugs 50˘
1999
Screaming Goddess Records
SGR 022
Buy at Aware


  1. Stealing From The Joneses (3:55)
  2. Parking Lot (3:49)
  3. Fist Like A Glove (4:04)
  4. Fake Wood Trim (3:08)
  5. Poor Tortured Rock Star (3:46) (actually Guru)
  6. South Bristol, ME. (4:45)
  7. Three And a Half on Six (1:18)
  8. Arlington (3:58)
  9. Levi Stubbs' Tears (3:16)*
  10. Broken Oar (5:22)!
  11. Playing House (3:41)
  12. Sunblock (4:40)%
  13. Jump In The Water (3:49)
  14. So Lonely (Down Under) (6:48)#
  15. Tom Collins (3:41) (unlisted)
Vocals, Guitar: Todd Watts
Guitar, Vocals: Erik Wenberg
Bass: Luke Michel
Drums, Percussion: Tamer Eid

Music: emmet swimming  Lyrics: Watts
* Billy Bragg
# The Police (Men At Work)

Producer: emmet swimming
Recorded at: 9:30 Club, Washington, DC; Alley Katz, Richmond, VA
Engineer: Mark Williams
Mixer: Paul David Hager
Mastered by: Henk Kooistra

Additional musicians:
!% Vocals: Scott Brotemarkle
% Vocals: Chuck Andrada


Stealing From The Joneses

We drive by their beautiful houses
And peek inside
They have surgically altered spouses
We gawk without pride
If I offered you diamonds
Would you demand pearls
If I offered you the world...
How about that girl

chorus:
We've been stealing from the Joneses
And much to our surprise
Things aren't so perfect inside
Divorce and credit cards
They've fenced in their perfect yards

It's not what they throw away
That leaves them so sad
They'd gladly pay
But there's things they can't have
If I offered you land
Would you demand sky
These things pass us by

chorus:
We've been stealing from the Joneses
And much to our surprise
Things aren't so lovely inside
Divorce and credit cards
Neglect and credit cards

chorus:
We've been stealing from the Joneses
Only to find
They're leading their lives blind
Divorce and credit cards
Caught up in the caviar

chorus:
We've been stealing from the Joneses
And much to our surprise
Things aren't so perfect inside
Divorce and credit cards
They fenced in their credit cards

chorus:
We've been stealing from the Joneses
Only to find
They're leading their lives blind
Divorce and credit cards
You can just taste the caviar


Parking Lot

let's break your father's heart
we'll make things fall apart
put on your sweater
you sneak out after dark

there's no sound

chorus:
meet me in the parking lot
it's what you've wanted
it's all you've talked about
meet me in the parking lot
here's what you're getting
you've let it go this far
meet me in the parking lot
it's going faster
I'm going faster
there's no sound when things fall apart

let's test your mother's will
slide down your window sill
all she created I desecrated
I'm gonna get my fill

there's no sound

chorus:{16 lover's lane}
meet me in the parking lot
it's what you've wanted
it's all you've talked about
meet me in the parking lot
here's what you're getting
you've let it go this far
meet me in the parking lot
I'm gonna get mine
you're gonna get mine
there's no sound when things fall apart

chorus:{don't change your mind}
meet me in the parking lot
it's what you've wanted
your girlfriends talked about
meet me in the parking lot
get in the fucking car
you've let it go this far
meet me in the parking lot
I'm gonna get mine
you're gonna get mine
there's no sound when things fall apart


Fist Like A Glove

Left the silence of the car
Must have a razor for a lucky charm
And in the distance of the town
He always smiles when he gets down

Fist like a glove never leaves a scar
Fist like a glove never goes too far

He says it's all her fault this time
She must deserve this, we just mean nothing
He usually treats her fine

Fist like a glove never leaves a scar
Fist like a glove never goes too far

We all wonder who we are
Fist like a glove won't leave a scar

He pushed her back on the hood of the car
I turned my face and looked up to the stars

We all wonder who we are
Fist like a glove won't leave a scar
We're all so happy where we are


Fake Wood Trim

failure's like a scarlet letter
we keep it buried 'neath our skin
and how do you like me better
it's old truth out new truth in
freedom's not something you fight for
it's just the key that holds us in
and what did your mother work for
a cardboard house with fake wood trim

chorus:{facil}
it's been a long time since I've been good
it's been a long time since I've been good
this mask I'm wearing doesn't fit me like it could
it's been a long time since I've been good

he wants to start a revolution
he's putting on his favorite grin
there's a problem with your children
pay them off they don't fit in

chorus:{mas}
it's been a long time since I've been good
it's been a long time since I've been good
this mask I'm wearing doesn't fit me like it could
it's been a long time since I've been good

we're going to see about his face
it's an easy part to replace
bow your head and just say grace

freedom's not something you fight for
it's just the key that locks us in
and what did your father die for
a cardboard house with fake wood trim
fucked right over him

chorus:{bueno}
it's been a long time since I've been good
it's been a long time since I've been good
this mask I'm wearing doesn't fit me like it should
it's been a long time since I've been good

chorus:{mejor}
it's been a long time since I've been good
it's been a long time since I've been good
this mask I'm wearing doesn't fit me like it should
it's been a long time since I've been good


Guru

Can't afford a guru
Who's gonna save my soul
Where will my money go
I can be spiritual too you know
But I can't afford a guru
So when you lay next to me
Pour on the sympathy
As sold on TV

chorus:
I'll never be a star
I'll never learn sitar
All those childish dreams
Are not meant to be
I'll never be a star
I'll never get that far
Got so close I could see
Almost enough for me

Nighttime finds a way
To leave you happy
Then goes away

chorus:
I'll never be a star
I'll never learn sitar
All those childish dreams
Are not meant to be
I'll never be a star
Can't afford a guru
I'll never get that far
Save my soul
Got so close I could see
Can't afford a guru
Almost enough for me

So wear me tied around you
Just pull me tight around you
Wear me tied around you
I swear I'll come through

So wear me tied around you
Just pull me tight around you
Wear me tied around you
I swear I'll come through


South Bristol, ME.

As a little boy in my neighborhood
a game would go on
Who'll get out of here
Stare out my window as the nights grow long
Right scuffed knee and all
I'd offer up my humble prayer
Make me different oh,
Take me across those those mountains there

Every time you see me on the stage somewhere
Every time you're telling me that I don't care
There'll be time
to live along the coast of Maine
There'll be times when I have to go away

Everyday you say
that both of us are growing old
But I like it here
pull you closer as the nights grow cold
And I know sometimes
I don't return the love you show
Oh but keep in mind
It takes rain to make the tulips grow

Every time you see me on my pulpit here
Every time you're telling me that I don't care
There'll be time
to find that old farmhouse in Maine
There'll be time
to watch my hair turn thin and gray

And everything will be just fine


Arlington

Ivana's a sculptor
and she's tending bar
she's piercing her nipples
in the name of art
Rick's an accountant
and he likes tattoos
he keeps them all hidden
so his boss approves
it's the suburb of the week
arlington

there's beautiful people
in the bar tonight
not much of a looker
she does all right
he says he's an outlaw
and he always scores
they all have a motto
be rich, dress poor
it's the suburb of the week
arlington

chic
unique
psych Fugazi
it's the suburb of the week
it's just like on T.V.

you rang


Levi Stubbs' Tears

With the money from her accident
She bought herself a mobile home
So at least she could get some enjoyment out of being alone
No one could say that she was put up on the shelf
"It's you and me against the world kid", she mumbled to herself

chorus:
When the world falls apart some things stay in place
Levi Stubbs' tears run down his face

She ran away from home in her mother's best coat
She was married before she was even entitled to vote
And her husband was one of those blokes
The sort who only laughs at his own jokes
The sort a war takes away
And when there wasn't a war he left anyway

chorus

Norman Whitfield and Barratt Strong
Are here to make right everything that's wrong
Holland and Holland and Lamont Dozier too
Are here to make it all okay with you

And one dark night he came home from the sea
And put a hole in her body where no hole should be
It hurt her more to see him walking out the door
And though they stitched her back together
They left her heart in pieces on the floor

When the world falls apart some things stay in place
She takes off the Four Tops tape and puts it back in its case

chorus


Broken Oar

i thought i was a poet on a stage
i grew a beard to hide my lack of age
i tried to build a boat to sail offshore
i woke up with my hands all bruised and sore

chorus:
come on say it
what we're searching for
come on try again
another boat another broken oar

i tried to be the singer in a band
three times at night i'd step up to the stand
they'd pay to hear me sing of death and grief
it's hard to get by like this in a week

chorus

in this boat you start to realize
it's hard to steer with the stars in your eyes
is there something left for me to try
or paddle circles screaming at the sky

chorus


Playing House

Got the haircut
We don't rinse much
You put on my coffee
I'll pick up the paper
Kiss kiss kiss

chorus:
Looks like we're playing house again
It's my turn to wear the apron
I wear my heart out on your chin again

No this can't last
We're just too fast
We'll play tricks on all the neighbors
Steal their parking spaces
Hate their kids
We'll get so pissed

chorus:
Looks like we're playing house again
I'm down in the basement like my old man
I wear my heart out on your chin again

chorus:
Looks like we're playing house again
I just call up out of conscience
I wear my heart out on your chin again

chorus:
We'll be playing house again
It's my turn to wear the apron
I wear my heart out on your chin again

again


Sunblock

Am I the only one who's never had fun
In the twelve years we've gone steady
Put down the parasol that isn't you at all
When the whole thing crumbles
I won't be there

I'm going on a big vacation
I deserve some fun
Got the top down,
swimming in the ocean
I got the sunblock on

You feel so elite with me below your feet
And always at the ready

I'm going on a big vacation
I can't escape the sun
Got the top down,
swimming in the ocean
And where the go-gos trod
I'm there with a cheap beach blanket
The kind you don't take home
No cheap wine, I've got a jug of lancers
I got the sunblock on

So when the walls around you break
And there's no one to make you feel safe
And all the problems that you fake
I won't be there

I'm going on a big vacation
I deserve some fun
Got the top down,
swimming in the ocean,
And Flock Of Seagulls on
"I Ran" and a "Photograph Of You"
The singer's haircut's sad
I think I found the perfect occupation
I got the sunblock on

I'm going on a big vacation,
And I will not come home
My new address is sitting by the ocean
I can't be reached by phone
When I'm gone you can climb
the social ladder
Respectable at last
Turn your back on all the things that matter
I've got the sunblock on


Jump In The Water

todd was a singer from the suburbs
from a nice family
everybody seemed to like him
just as nice as he could be

now he's dreaming of the shrubbery
he fell down when he was three
everybody seemed to like him
everybody seemed to like him

don't you jump into the water
don't you cut, don't you bleed
don't you jump into the water
don't disgrace your family

now he's driving on the interstate
and he starts to feel free
he wishes he were wholesome
juliana hatfield three

he just wanted to be famous
see his face on the t.v.
everybody seemed to like him
everybody seemed to like him

don't you jump into the water
don't you cut, don't you bleed
don't you jump into the water
don't disgrace your family

now he's sitting by the ocean
and he stares out to sea
he was just sinking
he was just sinking

into the water
as he floated out to sea
he jumped right into the water
he gave a shit about his family

don't you jump into the water
don't you jump into the water
don't you jump into the water
jump in the water


So Lonely (Down Under)

Well someone told me yesterday
That when you throw your love away
You act as if you just don’t care
You look as if you’re going somewhere
But I just can’t convince myself
I couldn’t live with no one else
And I can only play that part
And sit and nurse my broken heart, so lonely

chorus:
So lonely, (feel) so lonely, (feel) so lonely
So lonely, (feel) so lonely, (feel) so lonely
So lonely, (feel) so lonely, (feel) so lonely
So lonely, (feel) so lonely, (feel) so lonely

Now no one’s knocked upon my door
For a thousand years or more
All made up and nowhere to go
Welcome to this one man show
Just take a seat they’re always free
No surprise no mystery
In this desert that I call my soul
I always play the starring role, so lonely

chorus

lonely low
I feel so lonely low, I feel so lonely low, I feel so lonely low
I feel so lonely low, I feel so lonely low, I feel so lonely low
I feel so lonely low, I feel so lonely low, I feel so lonely low

I come from a land down under
Women glow and men plunder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover

feel so lonely low
lonely low
I feel so lonely low, I feel so lonely low, I feel so lonely low
I feel so lonely low, I feel so lonely low, I feel so lonely low
lonely low
I feel so lonely

chorus


Tom Collins

As you go, I go with you
Scribbled in blue ink
12th grade yearbook

So if you're up
Or if you're down
I'll be the anchor around your neck
That keeps your feet flat on the ground

chorus:
I'd love one more Tom Collins
As the rain outside pours down
I'd always drive by your house
And your Dad would chase me around
We all get so sentimental
When the Gin's half gone
I'd love one more Tom Collins
As the rain outside pours down

Take off your dress
Like you used to
And I'm impressed
God how you grew

chorus

Later on tonight
I'm gonna smile as you are leaving
Kiss you as you walk outside
We're much too strong for grieving

chorus:
I'd love one more Tom Collins
As the rain outside pours down
I'd always drive by your house
And your Dad would chase me around
Reagan in the White House
And your Father's Gin's all gone
I'd love one more Tom Collins
As the rain outside comes down